Rini's First Year

It's a little late, but I wanted to share this little update of tid-bits about Rini and her first year.

So many people came to my birthday! COOL!!!

Height: 73cm

Weight: 8.8kg

Clothing size: 80cm

Shoes size: 11.5cm

Diaper size: medium

Teeth: 6, and they consist of the bottom two and the top four in the middle.

Eyes: At this point we're certain her eye color is set. It's definitely brown with strong overtones of olive green, which becomes stronger or weaker depending on many factors, like her mood, the color of the clothes she wears, and her environment.

Food: At this point, she's eating pretty much everything. We haven't tried honey yet, and I'm not in any rush to do so. She has been eating whole eggs for a while already, and she likes them well enough. We have also been giving her sips of whole cow's milk, which is the first flavor she's definitely not crazy about. She still loves broccoli, and spinach is quite popular as well. Other major likes in the food department are cheese, rice, tomatoes, strawberries, banana, apples, natto, bread, peas and corn. As for drinks, her main sources are breast milk and water, but she also likes tea. We have not really tried juices yet, but the few times we did, it wasn't popular.

Bottle: None any more. Since I was only allowed to pump breast milk at work during the first year, I can't bring home refills anymore, so my husband stopped offering it to her, and she doesn't seem to miss it. During the day she drinks water from a sippy/straw cup instead, then she gets breast milk when I put her to bed and during the night. She's also allowed to breastfeed during the weekend before napping, if she comes to me, though I feel that those times are more about comfort than actually drinking milk.

Sleeping: Our nightly ritual hasn't changed much over the past 6 months or so. Dinner is around 6PM, we start the bath around 7PM. Bath time lasts between 10 minutes to half an hour. Then we brush her teeth, and get into PJs. If she doesn't demand boobies, we have a bed time story. We're in bed ready to sleep between 7:45-8PM, when she falls asleep as she nurses. Usually around an hour after she falls asleep, she's awake again and more often than not she has a hard time going back to sleep without nursing again. After this, the next time she wakes up is usually between 11PM and midnight, then around 2AM, then between 4AM and 5AM, finally sleeping until 8-9AM. Since most times I'm in bed by 10PM, she crawls to me for nursing and we fall asleep next to each other for the rest of the night, unless my husband puts her back onto her futon.

Milestones: Let's see... She can stand up on her own, but only for a brief time. Most times she still sits down as soon as she realizes she's standing on her own. She can also walk while holding our fingers in each of her hands, and now she also leads more than follows. She can climb up stairs, and she can climb up and down our sofa chair. She can also climb in and out of her little bath basin. She's been drinking from her sippy/straw cup for some time, and she's quite good at drinking out of a regular cup. She comes to us when we call her (if she wants to), and she comes and sits in her little chair on her own for meal times. She brushed her hair just this morning, so we still have to see if that's a thing or not. She moves to music, and she claps when she's happy or feels she accomplished something. She's not afraid of heights it seems, like when we hold her up high, or throw her into the air, or if she looks down a cliff. She definitely knows who she is, and recognizes herself in pictures and videos. She actively holds a conversation with people we call on Skype. She just recently learned how to blow air through her mouth, like blowing on hot food to make it cooler, or blowing air in water to make funny sounds. She also crawls to us and holds out her arms when she wants to be picked up.

I got this mom, now stop looking at me.

Words: "daddy," "anya" (Hungarian for mom), "cici" (Hungarian for boobie), and "hi."

Favorite toys: She doesn't really have one. She loves books, likes to play with blocks and "cause and effect" toys, and doesn't much care about dolls. We have a little basket full with clips, which she loves to empty out just to put all the clips back into the basket. She also loves touching water, and trying to grab hold of the streams of the shower. She plays peek-a-boo with us all the time. I can't wait to see how she will react to legos.

Likes: She likes to pinch and bite her father in a gentle way, although she's not quite aware of her strength yet. She also loves to hug and cuddle. She loves swings, and likes to dance in our arms. She likes to explore things, and puts everything in her mouth after long and careful examination. She likes to listen to stories, and loves looking through books.

Dislikes: She is not really fond of milk, or pork chops (though that might be because it's too chewy still). Though curious, she's afraid of cats. She doesn't like new people, especially if the strangers don't take their time to introduce themselves to her. Going up to her suddenly to touch or pinch her cheeks is a sure way to make her cry. Slow, steady, and friendly is the best way to get into her good graces. You know you're good to go, when she smiles and talks to you. She doesn't like napping/sleeping in new places, and takes at least twice as long to calm her down in those situations.

Mommy update: Since I had to stop pumping at work, my milk has gone down quite drastically within a couple of days. I get sad thinking about the impending weaning period, and have tried to cherish each breastfeeding especially in the past couple of weeks. My appetite has gone down recently as well. Having to deal with a period and PMS after such a long time (arrived on the dot when Rini turned 11 months old) is also a bit bothersome, but that's life. I'm around 61-62kg, the lowest I've been in over 6 years. I just hope I won't gain too much once Rini and I are done with breastfeeding for good.

And that is all. Here's to another happy and healthy year! (^_^)v

Rini's first picture with the pink kitty - 2012. March 29th

Rini's picture with the pink kitty on 2013. March 31st.

Eating Healthy

I got teeth! (^_^)

This post will be about some of my frustrations lately, so proceed with caution.

A week from now, my daughter will turn 11 months old. (Man, where does time go?) She's growing beautifully, reaching all her milestones as she should. To this day she can stand as long as she holds onto something (though yesterday we noticed her standing on her own for about two seconds), has three teeth, with the fourth coming in any day now, talks all the time, and she still breastfeeds plenty (though it's getting less and less). She seems overall to be a happy baby.

However, she is almost 11 months old, which means weaning will be soon on us. There's really no problem with that, it's the natural order of things, but I realized something couple days ago. While she's been drinking less and less breast milk lately (on her own), we failed to up her nutrition during regular meal times. I've been living in "7-8 month old baby"-mode for the past 3 months, where most of her nutrition still came from breast milk.

Don't get me wrong, she is being fed, but she generally eats what we eat with my husband, and it's not always the most balanced. We don't eat anything heavily fried or unhealthy, though, so that's at least a plus, but I doubt we reach our daily requirements of fruits and vegetables, for example. Maybe I kind of do, since I eat school lunches at least 4 days a week. (Don't think about US lunches here; Japanese lunches are healthy and delicious. Here's an article from the Washington Post about Japanese school lunches.) But I doubt my husband cooks a separate lunch for himself, which leaves our daughter eating either last night's dinner, bread, or apple slices (on a good day) during the day.

So what do I do? Last night I decided to google "healthy weekly meal plan for toddlers" because A, I have no idea how much of what she should eat daily or weekly, and B, even if I knew the amounts, I doubt I could make it varied. But, it couldn't be that complicated.

What I found made me a bit upset. "Turkey Avocado Pitas," "Belgium Flax Waffles," "Pasta with Homemade Marinara Sauce," "Quinoa Fajitas," and don't forget "Vegetarian Tamale Pie"... I don't even know what that last two supposed to be, forget about making it! Yes, yes, I'm sure, if I googled it I could find a recipe or something, but that's besides the point. When did toddler nutrition become so.... sooo.... complicated and fancy? I understand variety, and I appreciate it, too. But, and correct me if I'm wrong, the shopping list for these meals seems like something I could only get in WholeFoods (costing an arm and a leg) and not very season-friendly (one of the breakfasts had blueberries... in February...). And considering how little a toddle eats per meal (according to Health24 a one-year-old should eat a tablespoon of each food), a weekly meal like the one above doesn't seem at all cost efficient, especially considering that even the smallest packaging tends to be pretty big, or if not, quite expensive.

There was one website that seemed a bit better, since I actually knew what most of the meals were supposed to look like and they put little reminders of making batches and freezing it for later. They even pulled the meals apart by food categories: grains, fruits, veggies, dairy, protein. Also, since it was a single sample weekly meal plan, I could even forgive them for having blueberries and peaches in there. Thw few problems I did have with it were not being able to buy some things (like turkey) in Japan and fish or beans/lentils missing completely.
The best looking guide I found was from a Canadian website, and it came in the form of a pdf. They included not just nutrition but things about keeping active as well. It's a start.

This is going to be a three-day weekend for us here in Japan. I'm going to spend it by making an extra effort in creating nutritious and healthy meals for my child. Because nothing says "I love you" better than a good meal... well, at least for a Hungarian. (^_~)v

Knitting Update #1 - Rini

It's been bugging me a little lately that this blog is supposed to be about knitting, at least in part, but there has not been one knitting related post in.... a while. So let's fix this, shall we?

In the past year Rini has received four knitted objects from my needles. These are as follows:

#1 - Night & Day Baby Blanket 

Cherry blossom viewing in Onomichi on April 10, 2012.

Pattern: OpArt by Melissa Dominguez 

Yarn: Malabrigo Yarn Chunky in Oceanos/240 and Citrus/91 colors, 3 skeins each

Needle: US 11

Final Size: ~ 41 inches across

If I remember correctly, I started this blanket maybe two or three days before Rini was born. At that time, I didn't know about this, and thought that surely I would have another week before any Cesarian, and would finish by then. Since that was not the case, it ended up being my hospital project to work on, while she slept. I think it took me about three weeks to finish this, making me consider this a really quick project.

I've always loved Malabrigo for it's colors and softness, but this yarn went above and beyond! It's absolutely luscious and spongy, and great to knit with! It does fuzz a bit with wear, but it's nice and warm. Since it's not meant to be washed every other day, I use it at home only when Rini sleeps to avoid making it dirty as much as possible.

#2 - February Betty Lou

Not pictures again!

Pattern: Betty Lou Lace Cardigan by Kristen Rengren

Yarn: Jade Sapphire Mongolian Cashmere 2-ply

Needle: US 1.5/ 2.5mm

Size: 0-3 months old

This cardigan only resembles the pattern in name and starting number of stitches. Instead of garter on top I did stockinette, and instead of the lace pattern in the book, I used the one in EZ's February Baby Sweater. It took me about two and a half months to knit, but I didn't work on it every day or anything like that. Though I'm happy with it, it became too warm for Rini to wear it by the time I finished, so I hope it'll be good for baby #2. The yarn is really yummy, but it also looks really delicate, and not sure if I would really let my baby wear it for long, unless it's a special occasion. (>o<)

#3 - Stella Pixie Hat

Pattern: Stella Pixie Hat by Kristen Rengren 

Yarn: 1/4 skein (110 meters) of Malabrigo Yarn Sock

Needle: US 0/ 2mm

Size: bit small for 7mo Rini 

Fun little pattern, but turned out a bit small, making it really easy for Rini to pull it off, like a hood. Once again, baby #2 will enjoy it.

As for yarn, I used what remained from making a baby cardigan for my cousin's baby last year. The colors are nice and neutral, and they didn't pool at all. I like the springiness of it, but it always surprises me just how thin it is. Still, it was a relatively quick project, taking about two weeks to make.

#4 - All Ears

Pattern: All Ears by Katt Walker

Yarn: Karabella Yarns Boise

Needle: US 3/ 3.25mm

Size: 8 inches long

First I made a 9 inch long 3-stitch I-cord, then made ear flaps using seed stitch. When both were done, I cast on extra stitches, and knit the hat until the yarn almost ran out. It's slightly on the big side, so I think she'll be able to use it for at least a few years.

This yarn is the same one I used for my Ripley hat (where, the yarn was doubled up), so I knew it will be soft and warm. Finally something she can wear for a while!

There are also a few projects that I started but have not yet finished for various reasons.
These are:
* Bliss by Allegra Wermuth, is a current project. I made gauge swatch, did some calculations, cast on for 18mo size, and after finishing all of the cable section and getting used to knitting the skirt, .... I realized it was waaaaaay too small. So now I went up a needle size and cast on for 2T. I also want to add some button holes so that the straps can be somewhat adjustable. It'd be nice if Rini could use this as a little dress from spring to fall, then as a vest/skirt in winter and after. 
* Two Just A Little Undershirt by Robin Hansen, hibernating because I can't quite make the crocheted edges work.
* And one of Carina Spencer's baby cardigans, hibernating because my gauge is weird, and I should measure it against Rini, to make sure it'll fit. Plus, in truth, by this point, the size probably won't work any longer, with winter almost gone (especially by the time I'd be done).

So there you have it. All the Rini related projects. Next I'll show off something I made for my mom.

Looking back...

As I look at my daughter sitting next to me playing with her blocks and her other toys, I'm thinking about what an incredible year 2012 has been.

2012 for me began in New York and almost 6 months pregnant for the first time. I'm enjoying a vacation with my family and friends, I'm comparing bellies with my dad, and eating sooo much delicious home-made food, I'm sure I've reached my weight-limit 3 months early. I'm enjoying every minute, every second of being pregnant. I'm excited, but nervous... I know I'm ready to be a mom, or at least I keep telling myself I am.

Now, my husband is playing with my daughter and I hear the most joyful of giggles coming from the bedroom, into which she crawled. She's 9 and a half months old, she can sit up, crawl, and kneel on her own, stand up as long as she has something to hold onto, and her first tooth just popped out 10 days ago, as a late birthday gift to her daddy. She's all smiles and quiet curiosity, and the best baby and child a parent can wish for.

I feel I have grown a bit, too. I think I've become more responsible, and I'm more at peace. Mostly, I think I've finally come to accept the circumstances of my daughter's birth as something that was out of my control.

I'm sure by now it's no secret how much I was looking forward to giving birth as naturally as was possible. I looked at giving birth as a sort of major accomplishment, that if I could do that, I could do anything. I could finally be proud of something. For someone, who believes she has scarcely accomplished anything in her life, this was a powerful motivator... 

But then circumstances led to a C-section birth, and a scheduled one at that, with only a day of advance notice. Needless to say, I was pretty much crushed. It took my all to get through the night before the surgery, and to try and muster some sort of positive outlook. The surgery itself was the worst experience of my life by far, and I believe the only reason I was able to get through it because my husband was sitting right next to me, holding my hand through the whole thing. (As a side-note, I cannot imagine in my wildest dream why any woman or doctor would choose a C-section over natural birth without a valid medical reason, like so many do today. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against C-sections in general. I think they are life-savers, when they are necessary. I'm only talking about/upset with C-sections without any medical reason what-so-ever, like doctor trying to get home for dinner, or woman hoping to combine it with a tummy-tuck.) I was so enveloped in my own discomfort that I almost missed the moment when my daughter was lifted out of me, and even that barely registered and tries to fade from memory. The only thing that saved me from being completely lost in self pity was being able to breastfeed her without problems from the start. 

Getting to know each other...

However, this wasn't enough to make me feel like I could move heaven and earth for this new little being, like I read so many other mothers did after giving birth and thought I was supposed to feel, too. The love I felt for my daughter wasn't earth shattering love-at-first-sight, but something very slow and gradual. From the moment I was sewn up and back in my room, I went into autopilot mode, feeding and changing her as she needed it, and generally taking care of her, letting her leave my side only while the kind nurses bathed her, so I could shower myself. Please don't misunderstand, I don't think I had the baby blues, and I definitely didn't not wish to be a mother, or anything like that. But I did not feel like a mother, and in fact for months I felt more like I was just babysitting. I was thinking that any minute now someone will come and thank me and pay me for my services, and take her away because her real mother was back, and I'd be sad.

It was not at all how I imagined this would go, and the first night back at home, a week after my daughter's birth, away from all the caring nurses, as I laid down next to her to sleep, I looked at her and I cried. I wanted her back inside me, I wanted to turn back time, I wanted to feel different, to feel more, to feel attachment. I think this was my first step of grief.

Add nine months to that day and little by little, through watching my daughter reach new milestones, through constant negotiations with my husband, through support and guidance of friends, and last but not least, through increasing job satisfaction, I've reached a level of confidence in myself, which originally I thought I could gain through giving birth only. I still hope that maybe with our next child I can give birth naturally, but if for some reason it's not meant to happen, I don't think I'll be as crushed as I was the day we got scheduled for the C-section. 

Snuggling.

It has not been an easy year for me. A month of (in my opinion) useless hospitalization, an emotionally difficult birth, the months of sleep-deprived exhaustion, the hardship of maintaining some sort of intimacy in my marriage, the heartache of missing Rini's firsts because I'm at work, all contributed to this fact. However, it is all worth it, when I hear my daughter giggle and see her mischievous smile. Or when she crawls to me just to kneel at my feet and look up, smiling, and when I pick her up, she snuggles real close, like she wants to melt into me and never let go. Over the last nine months I grew into a mother, and I'm growing still now.

I think I'm very lucky. Though the year wasn't a smooth ride all the way, I got what I've always wished for: a loving and happy family. I'm really thankful for that, and I'm looking forward to this upcoming new year.

Should I stay or should I go...?

It's now November and I guess it's needless to say just how much I doubt I'll fulfill my New Year's resolution of 52 blog posts in 52 weeks... Oh well, such is life of a working mother of an adorable baby. On that note, here's Rini!

Ready for Halloween!

I've been really busy with work lately. I really like my job, it's quite fun, but it's also very tiring. Being "genki" for 8 hours a day takes a lot of energy, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. When I finally get home to my loving husband and adorable baby, it's only their smiling faces that give me that last bit of energy boost to enjoy my evening actively by playing with, feeding, bathing, and finally putting my daughter to sleep, just to go to bed soon after myself.

I have nothing to complain about and I really do enjoy my life a lot. I just wanted to point out the reason for the lack of posts in the past 6 months. Considering I'm not too big on writing during the best of times, I believe it's no surprise that this was my first commitment that fell to the side to give space to spend time with my family and to rest.

But lately, more and more I feel the need to let some thoughts loose. Whether it's because my husband has been blogging more lately, too, or it's just getting a bit crowded in my head, I don't know, but here I go.

In just a couple months we as a family have to make a big decision once again, and that is, whether we stay in Japan for another year (as in from 2013 summer to 2014 summer), or do we take the next step come this summer?

This next step most likely would be to move back to my home country, Hungary, and try our luck there for the next 5-10 years. There are many reasons why moving to Hungary would be a good idea, some of which are:

• our child(ren) could grow up in a calm and safe environment surrounded by a loving family;
• they could learn Hungarian well and experience the culture, something that I alone cannot fully accomplish;
• they could form close bonds to a part of their identity, and know where half of their roots come from, without a question.

This is not to say that our family on the East Coast is not loving, but I am weary about raising our child(ren) in such a city as New York, where there is so much noise, concrete, pollution, and general stress is found. Sure, we could try to find a smaller place away from the city, but that will also draw us further away from what family and friends we have there. Even before Japan, we saw most of my husband's family maybe twice a year, and that's quite unlike what I experienced in Hungary, where we'd drop by my grandmother's and aunt's house once a week or so, where no prior arrangements are necessary, because it's 15 minutes by car, and if they are home we're welcomed with food and good conversation, and if they're not, we'll try next time. My father's house, where we would live, is also a place where I could let kids run around in the backyard without a thought and know they were safe, where they could explore and play and climb trees and play with water in the summer or build a snowman in the winter, and no outside harm could come to them. It's a neighborhood, where I'd have no problem letting my 4-5 year old run to the baker around the corner two blocks away, or let her walk to school on her own a week into 1st grade. All the while, if I do want the excitement of a major city, it's no more than 30 minutes away.

This is what would await us in Hungary. A safe place to calm home.

Now the only problem is, of course, money... more specifically, finding not just jobs, but good jobs. Hungary is not a rich country, but it's a place I think we could make things work, especially since we speak fluent English. However, it is also a country with it's own unique (and quite difficult) language, which potentially makes fitting in hard, if someone doesn't understand what people are saying all around. This is where my worry for my husband comes in. He had a hard enough time the past year and a half dealing with a country, where he did not understand the main language. At least we had some "ready-made" friends through my job, who spoke English, and he could also blend in when/if he wanted to. So moving to a country where we didn't (yet) have any English-speaking friends and where he would stick out like a sore thumb, worries me quite a bit.

So why not just leave this idea be? After all, in America, we both have friends, we both can speak the language... Part of the reason is what I already mentioned above. The other part is quite selfish on my part. I miss my family. I miss my culture. My father, and not to mention grandmother, is getting older and older, time slipping by, and I'd like a chance to reconnect with them not just as my family, but as people. I want to learn recipes only my grandmother could teach me before she forgets how to do them. I'd like to be able to help my dad out with holding onto the home I grew up in, at least until my little brother settles down himself and can take over. I'd like our child(ren) to grow up playing with cousins of similar age and forming bonds and memories that will help them decades from now to keep our family connected.

Also, America is not completely off the list.... I just would like it to wait a little. Wait until Rini is a bit more grown up, when she can start to appreciate the diversity and culture the city and that great country can offer. I want New York and I definitely want my husband's family to be part of our child(ren)'s life. I believe my in-laws could teach amazing things, and to that point, I will try my best so that our child(ren) can spend summers with them if they are welcome to do so.

Now the finally question remains... should we stay or should we go?

If we stay, we could save up more money and I could learn more Japanese. We could also be either pregnant again, or have a newborn in our hands, which would make moving to a new country and settling in a lot more stressful.

If we go, we could have time to settle into our reversed roles, my husband working full-time and me staying home with Rini and work part-time teaching English. We could get to know the system and have no major changes going on when we do decide to try for our second child. Or if for some reason we can't find jobs, we'll only have one child to deal with when we move back to New York, and I'll have family support in Hungary, while James looks for a job and a place for us to stay in NYC.

So.... should we stay or should we go? We'll just have to see.

It's been a long time...

So apparently, staying in a hospital for over a month without any internet connection tends to mess up blogging schedules and intentions... Who knew?

Well, it's been over three months since my last blog, and a LOT has happened.
First and foremost, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Rinoa Heléna Tien, who was born at 37 weeks, on March 15th, 2012, at 1:48PM via C-section. She was 2926 grams and 47 cm long. To me she's absolutely perfect, and has been my constant joy and entertainment.

I will write about all the little things leading up to and after her birth in their own individual posts as I get to them. For the time being, I'd like to point you to my husbands blog, Taking Care of Tiny Tien, where you can read all about what has happened since January from his point of view.