The closer the day of our trip to New York gets, the less enthusiastic I am about it. I'm not talking about the people, because I can't wait to see all of our family and friends, but about the impending ~20 hour journey with a 1-year-old, the jet lag, and the rushing around, trying to get everything done madness. I really wish we could stay longer, but I'm down to less than two days of vacation until August, which I need to hold on to desperately, in case Rini or James gets sick enough that I would need to stay home from work.
I have been working like a crazy person, and thank goodness I like my job, otherwise I might have gone nuts by now, but too much of a good thing is still too much, and I really REALLY would like an actual vacation. Being lazy in a new place, taking strolls with my sweetie, talking about everything and nothing, and watching Rini play... that's what I would like. If only I had a time turner and a teleportation device...
However, amidst all my whining, I am really looking forward to seeing a lot of people! I know we're not arriving at a really convenient time and that all the people we wish to see have jobs and things to do, which, as convenient as it would be, won't go away just because the T. family is coming back to New York City. So I'm trying my best to plan, to accommodate as many people as I can, as much as I can, because that's just who I am: I need to plan and organize, otherwise I fret and worry, and time flies by, and I'll feel like I could have done better and/or wasted less time, if I just planed a little more and better.
Which is why (RANT ALERT) I can't help, but feel guilty about feeling relieved, when someone, who I planned to visit on a daily basis, decides she doesn't want to see us... at all. All because I can't give in to a ridiculous demand the way she wants me to. I tried to compromise, but when she wants something that my husband is specifically against (and with sound reason), I can only go so far, and if it's between meeting her demand versus siding with my husband, I'll choose my husband 100% of the time. That's just the way things are, and I feel saddened by the fact that she can't respect this and my relationship, and would think that I would hide something from or lie to my husband just to cater to her wishes. Of course, this makes me ::insert sarcastic tone:: a bad person, who has never EVER helped her out when she needed it ::end of sarcastic tone::, and it does not matter that there were sound reasons why I would not help, like I was having my own problems, or I didn't care to carry the responsibility of her ill-thought-out actions, or that I didn't (and still don't) want to get mixed up in anything shady, just so she could make quick and easy money. I wish I didn't know anything about that part of her life, but when that's all there is to her life, it's hard to avoid. I may be family, and family has a responsibility to one another, but that bond lessened considerably, when I entered into a family of my own, and they come first... always. So when she decided that if she couldn't have everything, she would rather have nothing, I guess I'll just have to learn to live with that. I'm tired of being emotionally bullied and abused, tired of feeling like a worthless person, and I will not crawl and beg, because I never did, and never will. I try and give as much as I can, and change when I can, but if someone doesn't want my company, they only need to say so, and I'm out of there. (END OF RANT)
And with that I'll go a make a nice breakfast to my family because they'll be awake any minute. Then I'll make some picnic lunches, and get ready for a nice day on Okunoshima, or bunny island, as it's most often called, because supposedly there are so many bunnies there and they are so nice and tame and friendly. I'll try and post pictures later.
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