Rini's First Year

It's a little late, but I wanted to share this little update of tid-bits about Rini and her first year.

So many people came to my birthday! COOL!!!

Height: 73cm

Weight: 8.8kg

Clothing size: 80cm

Shoes size: 11.5cm

Diaper size: medium

Teeth: 6, and they consist of the bottom two and the top four in the middle.

Eyes: At this point we're certain her eye color is set. It's definitely brown with strong overtones of olive green, which becomes stronger or weaker depending on many factors, like her mood, the color of the clothes she wears, and her environment.

Food: At this point, she's eating pretty much everything. We haven't tried honey yet, and I'm not in any rush to do so. She has been eating whole eggs for a while already, and she likes them well enough. We have also been giving her sips of whole cow's milk, which is the first flavor she's definitely not crazy about. She still loves broccoli, and spinach is quite popular as well. Other major likes in the food department are cheese, rice, tomatoes, strawberries, banana, apples, natto, bread, peas and corn. As for drinks, her main sources are breast milk and water, but she also likes tea. We have not really tried juices yet, but the few times we did, it wasn't popular.

Bottle: None any more. Since I was only allowed to pump breast milk at work during the first year, I can't bring home refills anymore, so my husband stopped offering it to her, and she doesn't seem to miss it. During the day she drinks water from a sippy/straw cup instead, then she gets breast milk when I put her to bed and during the night. She's also allowed to breastfeed during the weekend before napping, if she comes to me, though I feel that those times are more about comfort than actually drinking milk.

Sleeping: Our nightly ritual hasn't changed much over the past 6 months or so. Dinner is around 6PM, we start the bath around 7PM. Bath time lasts between 10 minutes to half an hour. Then we brush her teeth, and get into PJs. If she doesn't demand boobies, we have a bed time story. We're in bed ready to sleep between 7:45-8PM, when she falls asleep as she nurses. Usually around an hour after she falls asleep, she's awake again and more often than not she has a hard time going back to sleep without nursing again. After this, the next time she wakes up is usually between 11PM and midnight, then around 2AM, then between 4AM and 5AM, finally sleeping until 8-9AM. Since most times I'm in bed by 10PM, she crawls to me for nursing and we fall asleep next to each other for the rest of the night, unless my husband puts her back onto her futon.

Milestones: Let's see... She can stand up on her own, but only for a brief time. Most times she still sits down as soon as she realizes she's standing on her own. She can also walk while holding our fingers in each of her hands, and now she also leads more than follows. She can climb up stairs, and she can climb up and down our sofa chair. She can also climb in and out of her little bath basin. She's been drinking from her sippy/straw cup for some time, and she's quite good at drinking out of a regular cup. She comes to us when we call her (if she wants to), and she comes and sits in her little chair on her own for meal times. She brushed her hair just this morning, so we still have to see if that's a thing or not. She moves to music, and she claps when she's happy or feels she accomplished something. She's not afraid of heights it seems, like when we hold her up high, or throw her into the air, or if she looks down a cliff. She definitely knows who she is, and recognizes herself in pictures and videos. She actively holds a conversation with people we call on Skype. She just recently learned how to blow air through her mouth, like blowing on hot food to make it cooler, or blowing air in water to make funny sounds. She also crawls to us and holds out her arms when she wants to be picked up.

I got this mom, now stop looking at me.

Words: "daddy," "anya" (Hungarian for mom), "cici" (Hungarian for boobie), and "hi."

Favorite toys: She doesn't really have one. She loves books, likes to play with blocks and "cause and effect" toys, and doesn't much care about dolls. We have a little basket full with clips, which she loves to empty out just to put all the clips back into the basket. She also loves touching water, and trying to grab hold of the streams of the shower. She plays peek-a-boo with us all the time. I can't wait to see how she will react to legos.

Likes: She likes to pinch and bite her father in a gentle way, although she's not quite aware of her strength yet. She also loves to hug and cuddle. She loves swings, and likes to dance in our arms. She likes to explore things, and puts everything in her mouth after long and careful examination. She likes to listen to stories, and loves looking through books.

Dislikes: She is not really fond of milk, or pork chops (though that might be because it's too chewy still). Though curious, she's afraid of cats. She doesn't like new people, especially if the strangers don't take their time to introduce themselves to her. Going up to her suddenly to touch or pinch her cheeks is a sure way to make her cry. Slow, steady, and friendly is the best way to get into her good graces. You know you're good to go, when she smiles and talks to you. She doesn't like napping/sleeping in new places, and takes at least twice as long to calm her down in those situations.

Mommy update: Since I had to stop pumping at work, my milk has gone down quite drastically within a couple of days. I get sad thinking about the impending weaning period, and have tried to cherish each breastfeeding especially in the past couple of weeks. My appetite has gone down recently as well. Having to deal with a period and PMS after such a long time (arrived on the dot when Rini turned 11 months old) is also a bit bothersome, but that's life. I'm around 61-62kg, the lowest I've been in over 6 years. I just hope I won't gain too much once Rini and I are done with breastfeeding for good.

And that is all. Here's to another happy and healthy year! (^_^)v

Rini's first picture with the pink kitty - 2012. March 29th

Rini's picture with the pink kitty on 2013. March 31st.

Dealing with Depression (aka Fix Yourself First)

This post has been brewing in me for quite some time, and I guess it's time to explore it.

During the last two years or so that I lived in New York City just before JET, I was quite depressed. James and I lived together, and I spent my days watching TV, staring at the computer screen, going to class, and babysitting. I also took care of the laundry and made dinner sometimes, though most times James helped after he came home from work.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like there was no direction in my life. I dreaded finishing college because I knew there would be no real knowledge behind the piece of paper I'll receive. It also didn't help that it took me way too long to graduate, so I felt no pride in finishing school either. I had no accomplishments, and my only happiness came from James and knitting. Planning a wedding around that time was nice, I guess, but the weddings themselves brought a whole lot of heartache. In the end, I began going to a psychologist, to sort out all the issues that have been festering in me.

I often wonder what it was that got me out of that depressing period. Maybe it was getting counseling and dealing with some very painful things from my past once and for all. Maybe it was getting into JET and finally taking care of myself like never before. Maybe it was having a job with responsibilities. Maybe it was all of the above, with the final push of my husband joining me here in our new home. But who really knows?

The reason I bring this up is because my husband has been dealing with depression for some time now, and (to my surprise) I'm at a loss at how to help him. Although truth be told, I think he's doing way more than I ever did to take care of our home, and now our daughter, I'm still worried about him and our situation.

Having to work full time and being a mom leaves me with little extra energy to deal with problems, which leads to quick (and many times unwise) ideas and rash comments. Suggesting to your partner to just "turn the damn computer/game/... off" or giving "helpful" ideas about what could be done around the house while our child plays on her own (ha!), are things that might have worked with me, though probably not. The thing is, some people are suited to being at-home-parents and can come up with wonderful activities for the kids and make new and exciting meals daily, and enjoy doing it to boot. Others feel more accomplished when they can measure their contribution in money earned after a day of hard work. I'm not yet sure which category I belong to, but I know James prefers the latter. Being away from the workforce for over two years definitely left its mark, I think. He seems to have lost his sense of purpose. Taking care of a household and a child, while hard work and a full time job, is only rewarding, if there's a feeling of accomplishment and pride as well. Otherwise, it's just a constant string of chores, and who likes to do chores all the time? But chores need to be done and children need to be cared for, which includes a relatively clean house, fresh air daily (preferably in a park setting), and good food. So it figures the way to help the situation is by making sure James feels a sense of accomplishment and pride concerning his situation.

And this leads me to my next point... It just recently dawned on me how I contributed to my husband's decline of wellbeing. (I know, I know...) Many days, after I came home, instead of asking how I could help, I unloaded all my frustrations from the day on him. Instead of appreciating the things he managed to get done next to our daughter, I grumbled about all the things that weren't done and the general mess in the house. If I had a particularly rough day, and when I got home, he happened to be in front of the computer, it was all I could do not to throw a fit, many times unsuccessfully. Way to make my partner feel accomplished and boost his sense of pride... (-_-')

So what have I learned? Since my husband has yet to provide me with a schedule of his day where every minute is accounted for, it's quite unfair of me to assume I know what's going on at home. Also, just because our daughter acts nice and sweet and plays on her own when I'm around, doesn't mean she acts the same when she's with her dad only. Furthermore, just as much as I need some alone time with myself and my thoughts, I'm sure he needs it, too, and if he gets this through his games, who am I to say no?

Now here comes the big question. What can I do to make sure both of us are happy? I've been trying to figure out what would make me happy, because it's hard to talk about something you have not formulated in your head, and this is what I came up with:

• I like it when there's a way to track accomplishments and progress.
  We tried a chores chart before our daughter was born, but it failed. The main reason on my part was because we divided the chores up 50-50, it lead me to resent the amount of chores I had to do, because I also worked full time. Not to mention, since our chart was on paper, once it went out of sight, it was most definitely out of mind. I've been using some apps to create good habits, and it's been working well, so maybe we could use an app for this, too, something that tells us what each of us should do and when. So I looked in the app store and found a couple interesting choices.
• When he tries harder, I try harder.
  I don't know if my husband sees it the same way, but I feel like the more I see my husband try, the more I want to help out. It's not foolproof, but I hope it at least counts for something. And hey, maybe that schedule thing wouldn't be a bad idea after all! (Also, I wonder if the reverse is true for him.)
• Update, compromise, let it go...
  It has been a long time since my husband and I had a long, honest, and understanding conversation. I miss these probably the most from our lives pre-baby, pre-Japan, pre-wedding. Stress on our plates have been multiplying, and I have a hard time expressing myself without sounding like I'm nagging, whining, or being resentful in some way. I also think I have lost sight of our partnership along the way. Though we have talked a lot about our hopes, dreams, expectations for the future in the first few years of being together, these have since became outdated, and in serious need of an update. We need to state our current expectations of each other and ourselves, make new compromises, and let go of what is not important for either of us.
• Priorities
  There are some things I feel take definite priority over others. However, I also have a feeling my idea of what has priority is not the same for my husband. (Like playing on the computer vs most other things, and knitting over many other things.) (^_~)v So clearing this up would probably make both of our lives much happier.

Now I just have to find out what my husband wants and hopes. More importantly, what are the things that make him happy and unhappy? What are the things I can help with or change so he can feel more supported and appreciated? What would help boost his feelings of accomplishment and pride?
Finally, anyone has any suggestions about anything discussed in this post?

Falling behind...

I've been really busy the past few weeks, so I've been falling behind blogging, among other things. I have half-written posts as well as post only in my head, but until I can find some more time to be just by myself so I can think, they will have to wait.

As a quick recap of the last few weeks, here's what's been happening:

• Last week my daughter turned 1 year old. We had a party, and I even made cake with plenty of help from my husband. I have something special planned for the occasion, but I will make sure I post it by the end of the month.
• I also began participating in an online knitting class (see previous blog post). Unfortunately, I have not been able to keep up since last week. I hope to catch up and fix that soon!
• Furthermore, we did some major spring cleaning and organizing the first weekend of March, so a much needed update of pictures of our apartment is also coming soon.
• The school year is wrapping up here in Japan, which brings with it a whole lot of changes, like saying goodbye to friends in March, and new schools in April.
• We're going to visit a friend of ours in Tokyo this weekend, while we deal with my daughter's Hungarian passport and other important documents. I can't wait!
• And last, but not least, our trip back to New York City is approaching fast. While both my husband and I would like to meet up with as many of our friends as often as possible, we realized just a couple days ago that, that because at least one of us will have to be home to put our daughter to bed, it limits that person's opportunities to hang out with everyone to the hours between our friends finishing work and 7PM. Not to say that there won't ever be a time where we can hang out together at night, but because of jet lag, new sleeping arrangements, still frequent night-time feedings, and the time needed for our daughter to warm up to people (especially after bed time), I have a strong feeling it will happen the one time, and one time only. But I guess we'll just have to see. My point is, I'm planning for the worst and we're trying not to promise anything in advance.

I will have some "days off" in the next two weeks, which I plan to use to catch up on school prep and other personal things. I hope this will include this blog, too.

My Perfect Sweater!

Back in the fall I saw a tweet from Ysolda Teague about an online class she was planning on teaching in the spring called "Your Perfect Sweater." I already own her amazing book Little Red in the City, and have always liked her designs, so I jumped at the chance, and signed up the same day.

I've not knit a sweater for myself... yet. I've always wanted to, but I'm just super nervous about shaping. Taking on a sweater is such a big project and I'm such a slow knitter, that though I like making them, I rather not invest the time to end up with something that looks just OK.

Blank Canvas by Ysolda Teague

Hopefully, now things will change. I've been waiting excitedly, and finally it has begun! The pattern that came with the class is called Blank Canvas, a simple bottom-up in-the-round sweater using DK weight yarn. One of the first things the class will talk about is choosing yarn for our desired pattern.

I’ve been thinking of what yarns I could use, determined to use something from stash, and came up with 3 candidates:

• 
  Fyberspates Scrumptious Solid DK, which I got when I visited London on my honeymoon, was my first choice, since it’s a wool/silk blend. Unfortunately, I only have ~875 meters, and since I estimate my chest size to be around 36-38”, I either have juuust enough or am short by 70 meters or so (and I didn’t even consider swatching yet).
  
• 
  Malabrigo Yarn Rios in Archangel is my next choice. I got plenty of yarn, but it’s a bit thicker than DK. I guess I’ll have to see how the swatching goes.
  
• 
  Finally, there’s Fable Handknit Pure Baby Alpaca. Once again, plenty of yarn, but I’m worried that since it’s pure alpaca, it’ll act completely different than a wool blend.
  

Anyways, since I’m not really a swatcher, I’m looking forward to swatching, and swatching well. (^_^)v